Saturday, July 17, 2010

Changing What We Mean, by Eloise Klein Healy

Richard Wagner - Walkürenritt, from Die Walküre, Act III
Conducted by Leopold Stokowski

Turning your back, you button your blouse. That’s new.
You redirect the conversation. A man
has entered it. Your therapist has given you
permission to discuss this with me, the word
you’ve been looking for in desire.
You can now say “heterosexual” with me. We mean

different things when we say it. I mean
the life I left behind forever. For you, it’s a new
beginning, a stab at being normal again, a desire
to enter the world with a man
instead of a woman, and of course, there’s the word
you won’t claim for yourself anymore, you

who have children to think of, you
who have put me in line behind them and mean
to keep the order clear. It’s really my word
against yours anymore in this new
language, in this battle over how a man
is about to enter this closed room of desire

we’ve gingerly exchanged keys to, but desire
isn’t what’s at issue anyway, you
say to me. Instead I learn a man
can protect you in a way a woman only means
to but never can, and my world is too new
when there’s real life out there, word

after word for how normal looks, each word
cutting like scissors a profile of desire—
a man facing a woman, nothing particularly new
or interesting to me. I’ve wanted only to face you
and the world simultaneously, say what I mean
with my body, my choice to not be a man,

to be a woman with you, forget the man’s
part or how his body is the word
for what touch can contain, what love means.
If this were only about desire,
you say, I’d still desire you.
But it isn’t passion we’re defining, new

consequences emerge when a man and desire
are part of the words we hurl, you
changing how you mean loving—this terrible final news.

poem from Poetry Foundation


Prospero said...

The universality of desire and the panoply of expression: where there is desire lies a tangent, that fleeting moment when all is painless and individually right.

Manuela said...

thank you for this, dear Prospero - the universality of desire, and the many ways of expression, as you call them, that's something i've been thinking a lot about lately. thinking of desire in terms of needs, and how we go about having those needs satisfied, and how we can/not meet other people's needs when ours are not met. complicated, we make our lives complicated :)